保 证 书
亲爱的、崇高的、尊敬的、挚爱的、伟大的、仁慈的……女朋友兼未来老婆大人：
鄙人（你，男朋友，我，兼未来丈夫）今天对天发誓加保证：
1、 按照您的指示我要遵从以后必须主动、热情、诚恳、真心的对您发自肺腑的说我爱你、我想你、你就是我的唯一这些您喜欢的词语。（特别肉麻的等晚上上床熄灯后在被窝里我悄悄说给你听，以防隔墙有耳！）
2、 以后保证不象你乱发脾气，时常间的言语、语音、语调不能有任何的大声武气之行为，这样如果引起您的不满、生气、等等一系列后果将全部由我承担（具体承担方式有待商讨）
3、 保证在你热情似火打电话给我时，不得表现出一副莫不经心的态度！不得强词夺理、不得说三道四！实现三个不得！
4、 保证以后不揭发和嘲笑你的短处，诸如你的眼睫毛没我好看，你的腰没我婀娜、你的小腿没我细等等……一旦出现此类情况者——强烈建议用口红在他脸上写上三个字——半兽人！
5、 保证以后陪你逛街买东西时刷卡和支付现金时的等待考虑时间不超过0.05秒钟，违者——拔十根腿毛！
6、 保证以后以后买500元以上用处不是很大的东西时我不得提出异议，违者——拔20根腿毛！
7、 保证以后你和朋友出去我的追踪问话不得超过三句！违者——把拔掉的腿毛当胸毛在房间里裸露三分钟！
8、 保证以后你生气的时候我不得以“不要生气了嘛、求你不要生气了嘛、求求你不要生气了嘛”此类语言鱼目混珠，欺骗党和人民！违者——喝完一桶纯净水后10小时内不得上厕所，由此造成的功能性障碍疾病后果自负！
9、 保证以后每天吃两碗饭，在两个月内长10斤肉，争取达到国防标准的三分之一59公斤，然后对着镜子大叫我----是-----胖-----子！！！！违者——边吃饭边看李亚鹏配音的黑客帝国！
10、 保证以上9条绝对作到，违者——斩！
老公 2004-7-23
注：特附英文翻译一篇，请老婆大人过目！
Guarantees Card Book
Dear, lofty, the respect, the love, is great benevolently,……Girlfriend concurrently future wife adult:
I (you, boyfriend, I, the concurrently future husband) to the day pledged today Canada guaranteed:
1st, According to you instructed I will have to comply with later to have initiative, warm, to be sincere, the sincerity proceed from the bottom of one's heart to you to say I will love you, I thought you, you will be the words and expressions which my only these you will like. After (is specially disgusting and so on evening goes to bed turn off the lights in bedding I to say on the quiet listens to you, by guards against!)
2nd, Later guaranteed does not look like you randomly to have a fit of temper, often the spoken language, the pronunciation, the intonation cannot have behavior of the any loud military gas, like this if will cause your disaffection, the vitality, and so on a series of consequences completely undertakes by me (specifically undertakes way to wait for discussion)
3rd, The guarantee warmly resembles when you the fire telephones for me, does not have to display a none who does not attentive manner! Does not have to quibble, not to have to say this and that! Realizes three not to have!
4th, The guarantee later will not expose and ridiculed you weak point, such as your eyelash not I attractive, your waist my beautiful fascinating' winsome, your calf I have not been thin and so on……Once appears this kind of situation - intense suggestion to inscribe three characters - half beastly person with the lipstick on his face!
5th, The guarantee later will accompany you will window-shop goes shopping when brushes time the card and the payment cash waiting consideration time does not surpass0.05The second, the offender - pulls out ten legs wools!
6th, The guarantee later later will buy500A Yuan above use is not when the very big thing I do not have to propose the objection, the offender - pulls out20Root leg wool!
7th, The guarantee later you and the friend will exit my tracing question not to have to surpass three! The offender - leg Mao Dangxiong which captures the wool in the room the exposed three minutes!
8th, The guarantee later you will be angry I could not "do not be angry, ask you do not be angry, ask you do not be angry" this kind of language to pass off fake articles for the real thing, deceit party and people! The offender - drinks up a barrel pure Shui Hou10In the hour does not have to go to bathroom, from this functional disorde the barrier disease consequence which creates is proud!
9、 The guarantee later every day will have two bowls of foods, in two months ministers of the interior10A catty meat, strives for achieves the national defense standard 1/3 59KG Then treats the mirror ululate I----am-----Fat-----Sub-! ! ! ! The offender - eats meal while looked Li Yapeng dubs hacker empire!
10th, Above guarantees9The strip does absolutely, the offender - cuts!
Husband 2004-7-23
